I didn’t realize how angry I was before. I didn’t realize how much of my water was boiling over with every drop from the mist of life. I couldn’t see the weight I was being held under- from my sins and the sins of those around me. I tried to carry it all, because that’s what we try to do for those we love.
We try to pick up their falling pieces, in hopes that one day they will look for them… and they’ll be safe with you. In doing so, you carry them around in you. In your pocket, at first, so that it’s readily available. Then, in a bag on your shoulder as you pick up more pieces. Eventually, you put them on a bookshelf. You’re not carrying them around, so it should relieve some of the strain.
It doesn’t, though. Those pieces that were dropped, were supposed to drop. They were shaping that person. No matter the nobility of your intentions, carrying those pieces wasn’t your job. Don’t regret it, though. Do not kick yourself for trying to help. Do not loose that part of you.
Instead, stop. Right now, whatever you’re doing (so long as it is safe to do so) and look around. Take in the buildings, and the people around you. Take a breath, and shake. Shake off the dead pieces that you’re carrying. Then walk away and leave them there.
I don’t know when I dropped the pieces that I was carrying. One day, I realized that I could breathe deeper. The world wasn’t “out to get me”. It was just moving on. My pot of water wasn’t boiling over, just a low simmer.
This life can still be exhausting. As I explained in my previous post, just trying to survive as an individual is overwhelming. I’m trying to hold on. Letting go was just the first step. I’ve found peace within. Now, I just have to find a place in the world.